16 years of sobriety.
Day 7,” which was taped on Sept. 21. ” data-reactid=”24″>“So, today I have seven days,” Shepard revealed through the episode, appropriately titled “Day 7,” which was taped on Sept. 21.
Shepard, who shares two youngsters with spouse Kristen Bell, started by saying he has a “tremendous amount of fear” about coming clear.
“I was being dishonest,” Shepard shared. At one level, he admitted to celebrating his 16 yr sobriety birthday “high,” calling it “the worst thing in the world.”
varied accidents. His most up-to-date bike accident got here in August, wherein he broke 4 ribs requiring surgical procedure.
“So, I had a prescription for Vicodin that Kristen was administering and no problem yet,” Shepard recalled. Things escalated when he flew to go to his father who was dying.
“We had so little in common and so much f****** friction,” Shepard defined. He ended up taking Percocet together with his ailing dad, explaining that what they did have in frequent “was we were both f****** addicts and we had never used anything together. And we sat there stoned and looked at the lake.”
“I’ve now had this experience where I did that, I felt bad, but there wasn’t any fallout from it,” he defined. “Over the last eight years I don’t think there was another thing… until I got hurt again.”
injured his hand and was once again prescribed pain pills. He noted how it felt like he had a different relationship with pills than alcohol or cocaine because he never felt powerless.” data-reactid=”38″>About six months in the past, Shepard injured his hand and was as soon as once more prescribed ache tablets. He famous the way it felt like he had a special relationship with tablets than alcohol or cocaine as a result of he by no means felt powerless.
“I feel shady, but I don’t feel like this is a problem. I don’t desire more when the thing is over,” he stated of his psychological state on the time.
Shepard, who incessantly rides bikes recreationally at race tracks, stated he began self medicating.
“I feel I’m entitled to take two Vicodin at the end of the day because I am in pain,” he defined. “I’m getting shadier and shadier and I’ve not ever yet bought them — and then I do.”
Shepard stated for the final eight weeks or so he’s been on tablets “all day.” When his prescriptions ran out he began “taking 30 mil [Oxycotin] that I’ve bought whenever I decide.”
Shepard did the podcast together with his producer, Monica Padman, and he acquired emotional whereas speaking together with her.
“I start lying to you, pretty regularly and I hate it. And I’m lying to other people and I know I have to quit, but my tolerance is going up so quickly that I’m now in a situation where I’m taking eight [30 milligram pills] a day, and I know that’s an amount that’s going to result in a pretty bad withdrawal,” Shepard advised Padman. “I start getting really scared, and I’m starting to feel really lonely. And I just have this enormous secret.”
Bell and Padman had been suspicious he had an issue. Shepard, who stated he tells each girls “everything,” added, “I’m making you feel crazy and I’m making Kristen feel crazy.” Eventually he advised them “everything,” giving them the remaining tablets and stated, “Please help me.”
Shepard shared that a part of his fear about beginning over together with his sobriety stemmed from his unique habit to alcohol and cocaine.
“My fear was if I have one day [of sobriety] I’m going to drink and I’m going to do coke. I haven’t drank a beer in 16 years and I haven’t snorted a line in 16 years. And if I have one day, I might as well have what I really want and then start over,” Shepard defined. “I know if I do that, it may take me three years to get that back in the cage and I might die. I just know what I’m like on those two things.”
Shepard continued, “Again, it’s very hard for me to know what part of this is my addiction and what great stories I tell myself of reasons why I just can’t be f****** humble and say I’ve failed.”
The actor went to at least one assembly, however wasn’t absolutely sincere. “I basically cop to getting a couple of prescriptions that Kristen didn’t know about, and again, that’s not the full story,” he recalled.
Eventually, Shepard went to a smaller assembly which helped as did shut confidants.
One of probably the most difficult components bodily has been the horrible withdrawals. “I’ve never detoxed from opiates and I have so much compassion for these junkies who have like f****** cycled through this 20, 30 times,” Shepard stated.
Shepard stated when he celebrated 16 years of sobriety earlier this month, that it was “the worst hour of my life.”
“I was high at the meeting having people tell me they admire my sobriety,” he recalled. “It was the worst thing in the world.”
Bell even shared an indication that considered one of their daughters made in honor of the milestone.
Shepard did many of the speaking through the 47-minute episode however he additionally gave the ground to Padman, whom he incessantly apologized to, near the tip. Bell didn’t be part of. Shepard didn’t speak about how his spouse reacted to his relapse, however concluded by saying a “reservation” he had about publicly coming clear is how this could have an effect on her.
“Kristen doesn’t deserve for the next six months for every f****** interview she does to be, ‘Oh, Dax relapsed,’” he defined. “It doesn’t feel fair to anyone, it’s not fair to anyone. Yeah, I’m sorry and I’m embarrassed I’ve put other people in this situation.”
Bell has not publicly addressed the state of affairs. However, she has praised her husband on social media in latest days.