There comes some extent in any tremendous single girl’s life when she realizes she’s downloaded and deleted her relationship apps extra instances in a month than she’s washed her hair.
I used to be that girl for many of my 20s, and as my pals saved saying, “I Do” to the companions of their desires, I mentioned “I Don’t” to a second date with the fellows I met from apps, on-line, or by means of pals who claimed they’d discovered my good match.
When you’re single yr after yr, there’s solely so many issues you are able to do to attempt to meet new individuals. I leaned in on my hobbies, joined a kickball league, took a get up comedy class and have become a serial meetup junkie, spending almost each Tuesday and Thursday evening at blissful hours for individuals who had been fascinated with a particular subject (a New York meetup for ghost fans was my favourite).
But I didn’t meet anybody who I wished to exit to dinner or espresso with frequently, not to mention spend my life with. I even went to a matchmaker, however after a 30-minute session session, she mentioned the sort of man I used to be in search of (passionate, decided, career-oriented and pizza obsessed) was too wanted and she or he didn’t suppose she may assist me out. It made me really feel hopeless. I puzzled if my expectations had been so sky excessive that I used to be meant to be alone perpetually.
One evening, I discovered myself virtually sinking into the cushions of my sofa, swiping left on a relationship app and watching “The Bachelor” with my roommate when an advert recruiting potential contestants for this system flashed on the TV display screen.
I don’t keep in mind what it mentioned, but it surely spoke to me. After all, being a star character on a tacky, but very addicting, TV present sounded higher than sitting right here judging the fellows on relationship apps.
I additionally felt like I didn’t have a lot of a alternative. I used to be midway by means of my 20s and rapidly turning into the one single one amongst my engaged, married or cohabiting-with-their-SOs squad of pals. The longest relationship I’d had was a long-distance one which solely lasted a bit over a yr. I used to be feeling lonely, and whereas the thought of attempting out for a actuality relationship present sounded absurd to most, I felt prefer it made extra sense than occurring one other blind date with a good friend of a good friend who bored me to tears.
That evening was the primary time I utilized to be on the present.
I attempted out a complete of thrice, going to reside casting calls, making it to personal audition rooms and listening to the identical factor over and over: “Why do you think you’ll find love if you’re on the show?”
Each time, my reply was completely different. “I can’t seem to find love anywhere else!” or “I’ve become a professional first dater.” Until lastly, I mentioned “Being on this show is my last hope because If I don’t get on, it’s almost official that I’ll end up solo, living with six cats, in a studio apartment, until I’m 75!”
I believe my determined, uncooked and really real looking responses made the producers robotically disqualify me from transferring ahead to the subsequent spherical, since normally they despatched me out of the door with an eye fixed roll or a sigh of confusion.
Either manner, every time I attempted out, I realized one thing new about myself, concerning the present, and about love generally. Here are the highest three insights I took away from being a “Bachelor” auditioner thrice.
1. Fall in Love With Your Oddities
At my first audition, I confirmed up at ABC studios in Manhattan and waited in a line that wrapped across the complete block. I printed out my filled-out software that requested a variety of questions from how a lot I weighed to how my earlier relationships ended. (There weren’t sufficient clean strains on the web page to sum them up so I merely put “badly” and “not soon enough.”) I’d thrown on a elaborate gown that I had purchased on the clearance rack, and I wore sneakers till it was my flip inside, after I placed on my pumps.
“Bachelor” contestants are likely to look very polished. Their nails aren’t chipped, their tans aren’t light, their outfits aren’t wrinkled and their hair isn’t dripping with post-subway platform sweat. I used to be surrounded by lovely ladies, every wanting increasingly like a Victoria Secret supermodel. I, nonetheless, seemed like I wanted a bathe. It was a damp summer time day and I used to be sweating by means of my polyester gown and into my messy bun. I began to doubt if I belonged there on this line of magnificence pageant contestants. But what was my different? Going home, alone, to leftover Chinese takeout and a cellphone of unused relationship apps? I made a decision to remain.
The audition course of is a ready recreation. You stand in line, holding your paper software, for an hour or two, a producer takes a number of pictures of you, and then you definitely wait once more till it’s your flip to be interviewed. It can take hours and on this case it obtained to be round time for dinner, but there was no meals in sight. I went on a seek for snacks solely to discover a desk piled excessive with donuts that no person was daring to go near. I did. I grabbed two donuts, went again to my place in line and scarfed them down, fortunately, as others eyed me with disbelief.
When it was my flip to be interviewed by a producer, he requested me to inform him the weirdest factor about me. I smiled and recalled an inventory of my very own private enjoyable details: I’m born on April Fool’s Day, I don’t know tips on how to parallel park, however I understand how to run away from alligators. He laughed at my solutions and after my time was up, he pulled me apart and mentioned, “Thank you for being honest, Jen. I can tell you’re a bit of a weirdo and I hope you own that in your real life.”
I didn’t make it on the present that yr. I didn’t even get a callback. But I did stroll out of there with a giant smile on my face, pondering that the producer was proper. I want to begin proudly owning the issues about me that make me distinctive, whether or not on first dates or after I’m alone. I additionally, regrettably, ought to have gotten that producer’s cellphone quantity. Not so I may persuade him to let me on the present, however to ask him out on a date.
2. Be Honest About Your Reasons
Two years later, after I was 27, I went again for my second audition. This time I steamed the wrinkles out of my clearance-rack gown so it seemed dearer. I waited till I used to be in line to do my make-up in order that it didn’t sweat off my face. I even used teeth-whitening toothpaste for 7 days straight to get the espresso stains off my enamel. I confirmed up at ABC studios an hour sooner than the decision time. I felt like knowledgeable auditioner not having to attend in a protracted line.
When I confirmed up, I used to be introduced proper inside and seated at a desk beside different ladies attempting out for the present. I chatted with a number of individuals at my desk and I requested every of them why they determined to check out they usually all, with out realizing it, gave the identical reply ― “I want to be famous.” It was attention-grabbing how sincere they had been about that.
When they requested my motive, at first I mentioned, “I’m here to really see If I can find love.” One lady laughed so arduous at that response, water almost leaked out of her nostril. “You’re totally lying about that.” I wasn’t.
As I sat ready for my interview, with eight different ladies at a spherical desk, I attempted to make pals. One girl requested If I wished a swig of vodka from her flask. I declined. All in all, the individuals I met there weren’t pleasant. It felt like everybody was attempting to one-up one another when it comes to how huge they might smile, how loud they might snort and the way chilly they could possibly be to the individuals earlier than or after them in line.
I made a decision to audition once more as a result of I puzzled what it will be wish to be on a present that was all about competing to seek out your soulmate. I used to be additionally feeling determined, and if you’re feeling determined, you do nonsensical and illogical issues. But the conversations that I had with these ladies jogged my memory how essential it’s, in love or in any determination, to be sincere about your causes. If you’re going to hop on relationship apps once more, or check out for “The Bachelor” once more, no less than be clear on why you’re doing it, so if it doesn’t work out, you possibly can have a neater time determining what to strive subsequent.
Days after my interview for my second audition, I obtained an e mail from a producer thanking me for popping out however saying that I wouldn’t be transferring on to the subsequent spherical. I emailed again asking for extra data as to why I wasn’t chosen. I by no means heard again. I’m wondering if these producers have a particular filter on their e mail that robotically places all of us rejects right into a spam folder, by no means to be heard from once more. I felt defeated. I felt hopeless. But for some motive, I felt like I had it in me to check out yet one more time.
When you’re tremendous single for an excellent very long time, you give into cliches. Like, “third time’s a charm.”
3. Rejection Can Be a Very Beautiful Thing
My third and remaining time attempting out for “The Bachelor” was so much simpler course of as a result of this time, they reached out to me. I believe it’s as a result of that they had my data on file they usually had seen me across the web due to my viral enterprise, Bridesmaid for Hire. A producer reached out and requested me to audition by coming to a lodge room at a elaborate New York lodge.
When I obtained there, there wasn’t a line of girls, there was simply me, the producers and a digicam. I sat there, defined why I used to be auditioning once more and why I had auditioned prior to now, and left there feeling like I used to be about to lastly get the chance to go on a present I had spent 5 years attempting to get on.
Days later, the producer emailed me saying that I simply didn’t make the reduce. It was my “third time’s a charm” rejection at attempting to make it on “The Bachelor” that confirmed me how not getting what you need, generally, will be such a stupendous factor. I watched the present that yr (Arie’s season) and realized that if I had made it on the solid, I’d have been immediately eradicated as a result of there’s no manner he and I might have any chemistry. He was a strolling snoozefest and I’m in search of a man that has a character that may make him the lifetime of the celebration.
I additionally realized that getting rejected thrice for a present is so much like getting rejected after a primary date. Even for those who actually really feel a connection to the man, it’s simply not meant to be. It’s finest to move on.
Which is strictly what I did, setting my eyes on a brand new actuality present that I wished to be on, “The Amazing Race.” Not so I may discover love, however in order that I may discover myself on a brand new journey, all all over the world. Perhaps, in the course of bungee leaping in New Zealand or salsa dancing in Spain, I would meet that particular any individual in any case likeliest second.
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